Swift Kick in the Butt

Do you ever read the subject titles of your spam emails? These spammers aren’t very bright. They don’t care if you’re a female or a male. They just bulk send their crap hoping you’ll be stupid enough to click their link so they can either infest your computer with a virus or somehow get hold of your email address list! Thank goodness my email has a good spam filter! I have to say, if nothing else, they are good for a laugh…

Talker or Doer—Why Hasn’t Your Income Recovered At All?

What the hell talking or doing has to do with my flippin’ income, I’ve not a clue. But what would make you think I’d even want to RECOVER my income if I lost it? Maybe I’m perfectly content living under a bridge and accessing the local library’s computer. After all, they have a nice slot for my grocery cart right out front next to the handicap parking spot.

Free Diapers—Now You Can Have Free Baby Samples In Just…

Wow, free diapers AND free babies to sample! What a bargain. But tell me, please, can I return these babies if, say, they cry longer than 10 minutes at a time? Don’t sleep straight through the night? Spit up? Break my Lenox? Embarrass me in public? And as soon as it costs me ten thousand dollars, which won’t be long! And can I get all that in writing…you know, an agreement of sorts, because I had me 2 of those there babies and I’ve got another 4 years before the last one is up and out and I don’t want to take any chances!

Hair Club—Get Your Hair Back In As Little As 4 Weeks

Okay, now this is rich. What type of hair are we talking about here? And what, pray tell, makes you think I need to get it back? Or even WANT it back? Maybe it was BACK hair and I’m glad it’s gone? I wouldn’t want it back in 4 decades, let alone 4 weeks…so you, my spammer friend, are barking up the wrong email!

Best Online Pharmacy—Your Woman Wants You To Try Viagra/Cialis

Wow, you’re really tooting your own horn, aren’t you? The BEST online pharmacy? Really? According to whom? Can I have the survey that determined that whopper? Oh, and MY woman wants ME to try Viagra and Cialis? Considering I AM a woman, THAT would be pretty darn amazing! Maybe that’s why you THINK your pharmacy is the BEST one online! You gave ME a sex change without MY knowledge!

My Life Online—SOMEONE May Be Searching For You!

NO WAY! SOMEONE may be searching for MOI! SOMEONE? No shit. And I have a bridge to nowhere that I’m willing to sell YOU!

Of course SOMEONE is looking for ME! SOMEONE is looking for EVERYONE, you schmuck. There are scams for everyone. It just so happens that I’M not curious enough to click because I KNOW how this scam works. I click and it will tell me there are like 6 people looking for me and then I’ll have to pay like $29.95 to find out who. And then I’ll pay because I’m oh SO curious and after you get my credit card information, you’ll probably use to steal my identity or rob me blind, I’ll find out those 6 “people” are really just other companies wanting to scam me too!

Now go find a real dumb ass, because it’s NOT me—I’m NOT Curious George; I don’t give a shit WHO is looking for me.

Zoloft Attorney—Popular Antidepressant Zoloft Settlement Owned

I don’t care if an attorney owns a town called Antidepressant Zoloft, nor do I care HOW popular it is! I have NO desire to pack up and leave where I now reside. You might have more luck with homeless people living under a bridge…

Thank You For Responding—JC Penney Customer Survey for xxxxxx@hotmail.com

Well I would say “you’re welcome”, but I haven’t responded to any survey, let alone one for JC Penney. So I’d have to say that this is somehow something that will pollute my computer or steal my email address list if I open it. You scammers are definitely inventive, I’ll give you that. But do you know that I’d like to find you and kick you in the butt?

Yes, that would really make my day. A good swift kick in the butt would put a HUGE smile on my face!

What would YOU like to do to spammers?