Lasting Legacies

We’ve all made the mistake and touched a hotter than hell curling iron, stove top or iron and in less than a nano second we pull our hand away yelling, OUCH! And if you’re anything like me, a few other choice words! They don’t help with the immediate throbbing that commences to undulate through the tips of your fingers as you run to a sink and turn on the facet full blast then shove your fingers under the COLD stream of water. That only seems to intensity the throbbing, so you shut it off and shake your hand hoping the air will stop the intense pain…it feels like your fingers are going to explode!

All of us have experienced burning some part of our body. Our hands and fingers are the most vulnerable and our stoves and ovens are the most notorious culprits. Imagine, if you can, being lit on fire by a roadside bomb that exploded when your Humvee drove over it. Imagine your body engulfed by flames for longer than a nano second. You can’t pull your body out of the searing heat—you’re forced to lie there because you’re STUCK! Not only are you in excruciating pain from the fire trouncing your body, but smoke is filling your lungs, suffocating you, while your mind goes numb with fear. The brain shuts down as a coping mechanism, which is actually a blessing because you can’t handle that type of physical and mental trauma.

 Awakening can sometimes be even more torturous than the actual injury.  JR Martinez knows firsthand about the horrendous circumstances I just explained. He suffered severe burns to more than 40% of his body and being scarred beyond recognition. He also knows what it’s like to want to die before he’s even begun to live.

You see, JR was only 19 when he went to Iraq and suffered that tragic accident. Seeing himself for the first time, he didn’t think he had anything to live for. He felt his life was over; that no girl would ever want him; that he’d never have a family; that he'd never have a normal life. He wanted to give up…but the love for his mother wouldn’t let him.

JR Martinez’s story is remarkable. His courage, determination and perseverance are inspiring. He believes in paying it forward! He also has acronyms: ADAPT = Acceptance, Determination, Action, Positivity, Trust and POWER = Positivity, Optimism, Will, Effort, Resilience! All of which he personally used to not only survive his personal ordeal, but heal and forgive and forge a non-profit foundation to help other wounded soldiers. This young man also does speaking engagements to spread his remarkable story and his legacy of positivity, resilience and courage! What an awesome gift to give his future children! A legacy that can be handed down from generation to generation!

My youngest son heard JR’s story and told me that he thought I could be that positive. I politely disagreed with him because I’m not sure I could be under such conditions. I'm of the belief that I still need some inner work but JR inspired me to work even harder on my personal journey of positivity, paying it forward and overall purpose in life.

I won’t ever be famous like JR, but I can touch the lives of those around me— family, friends, and even strangers. If I can make their lives a little bit brighter, happier, easier…then I’ve done something worthwhile. Maybe they in turn will do something nice for someone else. Then, when I’m gone, maybe someone will say, wow that Pamela was a nice lady and my legacy will be passed on...

 

Blog Pet Peeves

**Exclaimer ~ Mature Language**

I love blogs. Really I do. 

BUT…

What the hell is up with all the blogs with give-a-ways, linky-love, hops, badges, and flashing fucking ads! I’m telling you, I could stab my eyes out with a broken pencil.

I know my blog is NOT perfect…far from it in fact. However, the last thing I want are ads that flash while I'm trying to read, therefore I won't torture my readers when they are trying to…well…READ! That’s the purpose of my blog. I write. You READ (that’s the goal even though I’m far from what many would call an actual audience, other than say, my family and a few friends).

If anyone cares what makes me run like hell once I click onto a blog, here's a list, not all inclusive, and I reserve the right to add to it as often as I feel necessary...

 Give-A-Ways ~ I’M going away. Far, far away. I must click out, because I don’t have time to play sign-up for a give-a-way and have yet another bazillion spammers in my email in-box to delete! If I want it, I’ll fucking buy it already! Plus, if you NEED hits to your blog, WRITE something that is actually noteworthy then you won’t have to give shit away.

 Linky-love ~ This just SOUNDS kinky and kinky and the computer just don’t mix for me. Yes, Bloggers want comments, hits, followers…I GET IT! But again, WRITE shit that people want to read…they WILL follow (not that I actually follow my own advice, mind you, but I DO know how this blogging shit works!).

Blog Hops ~ What are we, seventeen? You hop to my blog and I’ll hop to yours. Then next week we’ll all forget about each another. Just lovely. Nothing like reliving High School Drama when we’re over 30, or 40, or even 50! Read my blog. Don’t read my blog. The decision is yours, just make sure it’s something YOU want to do. Don’t do it because I begged you, bribed you or made you feel guilty! Sheesh! If we’re adults, let’s act the part already.

Badges ~ I click a blog that has a gazillion badges and I get vertigo! Not to mention confused, and trust me, I don’t need any help. Where do I go first? The blog post? A Badge? Which one? They’re all over the place cluttering it up like a store at Christmas displaying its wares! OKAY! You like your Blogging friends! You want others to visit them--put up fucking links!

 Flashing Ads ~ I’m gone in a flash. I understand ads. You want to make a few bucks off your blog. Fine. But I’m there to READ, so if I wanted to watch something that danced and sang, I’d go to YouTube, or I’d pop in a CD and dance in front of my full length mirror.

 I know, I sound like such a self-righteous bitch. WHO am I to complain about anyone’s blog when I have like what? NO A few followers? Some of these blogs have hundreds, so maybe people like all that clutter and flashing BS. NOT me. Sorry. It makes gives me a raging bitch headache. I’ll stick to the blogs that are neat and clutter free.

 Do you have a Blog Pet Peeve (or more than one like me)? Or am I the only picky bitch?

 

Teens Are People Too

So many of us parents get frustrated with our kids, especially teenagers. It sometimes seems like teens don’t think or do things to just piss us off. We tell them the rules or decisions and they tell us it’s not fair; you don’t care; you’re just trying to make my life miserable, etc., etc. We’ve all been there—don’t YOU remember when you were 13? 15? 17? I sure do! I swore I would NEVER forgive my dad for not letting me go to a party when I was thirteen! Today, I can’t even remember whose party it was but I am talking to my dad—love him to pieces and wouldn’t know what to do without him!

So, what’s the answer?

 I’ll never claim to be the perfect mother but I do believe I’m a good mom. I put my kid’s needs before my own as I believe it’s my job to sacrifice for them and not the other way around. Occasionally I yell. I also talk, a lot, or as my boys say, preach, and most importantly, I listen, because I feel it’s essential to their psyche that they express what they think and feel. I’m the parent but that doesn’t give me exclusive rights to intense feelings or opinions.

I encourage communication, even if it’s over a decision I’ve made that my children don’t agree with. My boys have always been allowed to tell me why they think I’m wrong (which is often!) and then I explain why I think I’m right (which is often!). The decision doesn’t change but at least I’ve listened to their “side” and they feel validated and important.

They are young people. They have feelings, just like we big people do. How would we feel if someone told us because I said so, or because I’m the mom; I’m the adult; I know better…or whatever other reason we come up with to justify why Junior can’t drive at 16; Juniorette can’t go to the movies with a boy who’s in college; 11 year old Bobby can’t have a Facebook page; and all the other things we say “no” to in order to ruin their lives!

This method in no way encourages teens to be discourteous. If your teen gets rude or out of hand—end the conversation. If he wants to be treated with respect he must GIVE it. It also doesn’t mean your rule or decision will change. It only means you’ll listen and validate his feelings, understanding that he may not like the ruling and he needs to listen to you and your reasoning. It’s YOUR job to keep him safe, healthy, etc., and it’s HIS job to follow the rules. When he’s an adult, he can move out then follow society’s rules. Either way, he has rules to follow.

 Being a family doesn’t mean everyone always agrees. It also doesn’t mean someone isn’t going to be unhappy about something. It means living together, as individuals, who can disagree with dignity. A family can live together in harmony if each one treats the other with respect regardless of age.

 

Why Don’t People Think?

Yesterday when my son got home from school, he called me. Yes, CALLED me…from our land line. Don’t get all excited now, he lost his cell phone. He was frantic, not due to the missing cell phone, per se, but because, according to him, someone could access his contacts and pretend to be him and send out nasty emails to all his friends! He feared his reputation would be ruined! Poor kid, at fourteen this was earth-shattering.

 I reassured him that I would put a hold on the phone until he could check with lost and found at school and with any luck it would be there because we’ve always been good Samaritans, turning in objects we’ve found. He agreed and said he would also send out a notice on Facebook (Oh modern technology, isn’t it grand!).

His message on Facebook said: Lost my phone today in school, so if anyone gets a text from me, its not me. Just a heads up 

A fellow student commented: did u loose it on the bus?? i saw a phone laying there when we were on the way to school? 

Are you freaken kidding me?

 WHO sees an abandoned phone and just leaves it there?

 Rhetorical question.

 I wrote in the comment link of my son’s Facebook thread (Yes, I’m THAT kind of mom): Hmm...I see an abandoned phone...what would I do? I would pick it up and give it to someone who could possibly find its owner. Lesson here: When you see something that doesn't belong somewhere, pick it up. If it’s trash, throw it in a garbage can, a phone, wallet, backpack or something else of some value, GIVE IT TO SOMEONE! Maybe the owner will come looking for it and then find it. Remember, we all misplace things and one day YOU might be WISHING someone had done it FOR YOU! 

That lesson, of picking up something that is obviously lost and turning it in, was taught to me as a kid. I then passed it on to my boys. We found quite a few items over the years—a wallet, a digital camera, jewelry, even a book. We took the items to various places—Customer Service Centers, Lost and Found hubs and even a Police Station.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I sure as heck don’t want to go through the hassle of cancelling everything in MY wallet and then reapplying! Doesn’t it FEEL horrible to lose that precious heirloom from Great-Grandma Edna? It also bites to the max when you have to fork over another hundred bucks, or more, to replace such-and-such because some thoughtless jerk person found such-and-such and rather than THINK about HOW it feels to misplace something of his own, he keeps it!

 There is something uplifting about misplacing something then going back to the last place you had it and voila some thoughtful person left it where you could reclaim it! It gives you a sense that there is still good in the world!

I can’t just blame this lack of oversight on kids either. There are plenty of adults who don’t bother, or if they do, THEY keep the object (and kids live what they learn!). It’s also possible that kids aren’t being taught these simple lessons because their parents are lazy, selfish, thoughtless or a combination of all the above (I try not to be cynical but sometimes people make it tough!).

I do know this, though, with all the technology today we should have a society filled with geniuses but more and more it seems it’s bursting with dummies.

 

My Date Application Was Rejected!

One day while perusing the blogosphere, I came across a blog authored by a single dad. Curious, I read a few posts and found that this dad believed he was fun-- as in a cross between Al Bundy and Ray Barone (his analogy, not mine). He was also looking for love and even had a link for an on-line date application. I emailed him and asked if it was a “joke”, he responded that it wasn't meant to be, but I could treat it like one. So, trying to have some fun with the man who was half Al Bundy and Ray Barone, I emailed him a filled-out date application saying “I’m trying my hand @ humor. I hope it’s fun.” Well, I never did hear back from him. I guess it’s safe to assume he didn’t find my attempt at humor very funny. (A couple answers might not make sense because I was referring to his blog post; like the ashtray comment, but just go with it, K?)

SINGLE DAD DATE APPLICATION:

Name (your real one, please): Pamela D. Hart

Current age: Current age of what? In wine, the older the better. In milk, not so much.

Where are you from?: It’s all relative, as in my mom and dad.

Where do you currently reside?:  Would a box under a bridge be a deal breaker? 

How did you find this page?: I'm NOT a stalker!


Why are you filling out this form?: To see if you really read these applications /are just looking for blog traffic/ blowing smoke up everyone’s ass/really have a sense of humor...which one do YOU prefer?


Highest level of education completed/currently working towards: What if I said I was working towards a Pulitzer? Or how does a High School Dropout just trying to pass my GED sound? Would either of those get my application a speedier process?

Why do you think you want to go out on a date with me?: I don’t. I just want to entertain the man who says he’s part mixture of Al Bundy and Ray Barone.

If you were to become a blog post, what should your name be?: I’m not so sure I want to become a blog post, as I’m quite happy being a woman. However, I did have a dream where I became a cloud once.

What is it that you find most attractive about me?: Wow, conceited much? What even makes you think there’s any attraction?

When would you like to go out with me?: In this lifetime? Never.

How attractive do you think you are?: Are you asking me to be vain? Alrighty then. I’m quite attractive, if you like your women blonde, blue-eyed, tall and thin. Although, I taste like an ashtray, but I wouldn’t suck your tongue out of your mouth, if I somehow reconsidered that lifetime no-date deal.

How attractive do others think you are?: Would this be in the real world, or MINE, where everything is rainbows, puppy dogs, and Starbucks delivers 24/7—for free.

Are you crazy?: About what? Shoes? Yes.

What is the first thing I would notice about you?: That I’m larger than life .

What will my reaction be when I first see you?: Do you like redundancy? This reminds me of that psych test I took. Nothing like changing a few words so dumb people think the question is different. You will think I am larger than life— no not my big ass tote of a purse! Me!

What should I wear?: Ah— clothes would be nice.

What will we do on our first date?: You do remember that in this lifetime we will not date, don’t you? So, it would be an interview, because you found my application so interesting, which compelled you to interview me for a special article. That said, we will go to a restaurant, which is preferably crowded, because you could be some stalker-like person, and I want to ensure my safety, although I do have a license to carry.

What will we drink? I don’t know about you, Mister-Booze-A-Lot, but I will have coffee.

How much does it take to get you drunk?: Ever hear of AA? And if you remember correctly we’re on an interview.

What can we converse about?: I would probably monopolize the conversation, because I’m like that— controlling and all.

I should compliment you by saying: That you love how my belt matches my shoes, and how you are so ever impressed that I found earrings to match my necklace, which remarkably matches my bracelet and that you think I’m a complete fashion genius to have jeans with patches that match the exact color of the speckles in my shirt! (Just because I’m OC doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate groveling, even on an interview, for Pete’s sake. And no, you can NOT speak to Pete. He’s MY friend!).

Finish this sentence: “I like a man that… knows his place on an interview, because it is not a date— keep that in the mind, or should I plaster a Post-It on my forehead as a reminder?

After dinner we should?: Well YOU should pay the damn check!


How will our fabulous date end?: My goodness. Are you impaired? It’s NOT a date! However, our INTERVIEW will end with you paying the damn check and publishing the article!


In just a few words, please tell me why we should go out. Be as descriptive and graphic as you want to be. Feel free to send a photo(s) if you like. Here you go with that date shit again, as if I haven’t been explicit enough—that not in this lifetime, nor the next, will there be a flippin’ date. I have a number for a good therapist; she may be able to help you with this impediment thing you have goin’ on.

Once received, please allow 2-3 business for your application to be evaluated and a decision to be made. Unless you’re hot. That speeds up the process. A lot. If you’re hot (and can prove it) expect an e-mail momentarily! Allow 2-3 business…Would that be minutes, day, months? And why does an applicant have to be “hot” to receive a speedy application process? That’s awfully unfair to those who are temperature impaired.

Personally, I thought it was pretty darn funny and don't know why a man who is part Al Bundy and Ray Barone didn't dedicate a post to my humor, or at the very least, send me an email with a smiley face! But hey, that's just me. What about you? Have you ever filled out an on-line application and if so, were you serious or did you have fun with it? And if you did poke fun at it, how was your response handled on the other end?

 

Bye Bye Starbucks

I go to Starbucks…a lot. I love their Vanilla Lattes. I know they created names for the size of their drinks. Venti, Grande, Tall are fancy names for large, medium and small so that you won’t hesitate to pay the huge price tag for a cup of coffee, and pay I do. Well, up until yesterday.

Yesterday I went in and since I’m a regular (at least three times a week) I don’t even have to tell the Barista my order— Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte—they already know. The Barista said, “Four fifty-five” and as I was handing him my gold card (oh yes, I’m so freaken important I have a GOLD Starbucks card!) my mind was reeling with Wasn’t it just four thirty-nine on Monday? I didn’t ask the question, though, because I was aggravated.

The line had been so freaken long and the store was filled with people on their laptops and others who were just sitting their chatting which made the noise overwhelming (I recently found out that I’m overly sensitive to noise) that I just wanted to get my damn drink and get the hell out of there!

As I was WAITING for the six other Stabuckaholics to get their drinks, a woman I know, who, of course, frequents Starbucks just as much, if not more, than me, whispered, “Did their prices go up?” I told her I was just asking myself the same thing! We both also thought Starbucks had already increased their prices once this year already!

What the hell? I’m all for companies making a profit, but $4.55 for a cup of freaken coffee? It’s good, but it’s not THAT good! Besides, McDonald’s sells Lattes now and they have a drive-thru AND they’re cheaper. I’m really not cheap, but I’m also NOT stupid. I still have money on my GOLD Starbucks card so when it reaches zero, I’m done.

Bye-bye Starbucks, it’s been nice.

 

Ten In Ten To Help A Teen

*You’re a woman on a bus, riding comfortably, when a young teen gets on, taking the empty seat beside you. She introduces herself and tells you where her stop is. You know that ten minutes hence, she’ll get off and you won’t see her again. For whatever reason, you feel an urgency to impart the ten most important things that you believe she’ll need to know to carry her through the rest of her life. You don’t have time to plan and you don’t have time to poll your friends. When this girl gets off the bus, she’ll be gone forever. You will either have used the opportunity of ten minutes, or you’ll have lost it. As a woman, what will you tell her? What ten essentials can you absolutely NOT let her get off that bus without hearing? What really matters, to you, in life? *

My answer:

You don’t know me and you’ll probably think I’m a crazy lady. But I can assure you, I am not. I’m a wife and a mom and I want to give you some advice that I wish someone would’ve given me when I was your age.

I want to tell you that respect is very important. Not just for others, but especially for yourself. If you don’t respect yourself, you won’t think twice before doing something that could harm you or your reputation.

Honesty is justice, so be true to yourself and to others. If you are always honest you will never have to try to remember what you’ve said or the stories you’ve told and everyone will know you are always a person of your word.

Noble Character is determined by what you’ll do when no one is looking.

Personal Responsibility is challenging, but it builds character and that is something no one can ever take from you. Only you can destroy your character.

Forgiveness is a gift. Forgive yourself and others. Just remember that when you forgive another it doesn’t mean you have forgotten the bad deed or that you have accepted it. It just means you have forgiven them and you aren’t bitter. Bitterness will eat you alive from the inside out and prevent you from living life in true happiness.

Be compassionate. Compassion expands our heart and guides us to love.

Patience truly is a virtue. Remember, sometimes it’s the anticipation of the reward rather than the reward itself.

Always seek knowledge. Once your eyes and ears are closed, you become dead to everything around you.


Learn to accept yourself. You are perfect just the way you are. There is no other human like you and there never will be.

Find your purpose. Life has no meaning without a purpose.

You’ll remember my words throughout your life, sweetling, and when you do, think of me with kindness. I wish you well. Now go and live your life to the fullest. Have fun and be safe.



What would your ten in ten be? Have you ever given it any thought? Maybe now is a good time to do just that!

 

 

**Posted from The Oracular Opinion**