Huge Dose Of Mom Guilt

I’m not a procrastinator, nor am I lazy, however, with Christmas then New Year’s…well let’s just say that my so-called normal routine went to the way-side and my dry-cleaning sat, stuffed in a bag on my laundry room floor. Now, you’re probably thinking, What’s the big deal?

 Well, the big deal is, my youngest woke me this morning at quarter after six, asking me for his dress clothes.

 I stumbled out of bed, got wrapped in my electric blanket wire and almost fell onto the floor, as I mumbled, “In my closet.” Fortunately Austin was standing there and caught me before I landed on the floor. “Why do you need them?” I asked him, because I was worried he had told me the night before and I had forgotten, which was totally out of character for me.

“We’re dressing up for the Basketball game today,” he explained, and as my sons often do, left out WHEN he found out he was dressing up and WHEN he had informed ME of this little plan.

“Help guide me to my closet so I don’t fall,” I told him. Fibromyalgia and early morning rising without proper muscle manipulation don’t mesh. My kids get this and thankfully are quite helpful. He took hold of the backs of my arms and followed me to my walk—in closet and stood by me as I found the garment bag with his dress clothes. Only problem…his white dress shirt was NOT in the garment bag. It was stuffed in my dry-cleaning bag. And THAT was on the floor in my laundry room! “Oh shit,” I cussed.

“What?”

 “Your dress shirt is a wrinkled mess! The only other one is this short-sleeved one.”

“That’s okay. I need a tie.”

 “You can’t wear a tie with this one because we don’t have one that matches it!” I began to panic, and when I do that, my voice tends to raise a few decibles. I blame this on my passion and in this situation my passion was my kid whose request I wanted to fill! “Can you wear a plain long sleeve shirt?” My brain was trying to kick into gear and come up with a solution.

“No, Mom, a DRESS shirt and tie.” I could hear the disappointment in the tone of his voice.

“Why am I only hearing about this NOW?” My frustration was growing by the second because I knew he was disappointed and I didn’t have a solution!

“Because they texted me last night, but I fell asleep and only read it this morning.”

“Shit!” I think that’s my favorite cuss word when I can’t think of anything else to say. “Well, you can’t wear your brother’s or your dad’s shirts because they would be huge on you.” Another plan shot to shit.

“I’ll just wear this,” he took the bluish-striped shirt and went to his room to dress.

 He came out of his room in his short-sleeved bluish-striped shirt, black dress pants and shoes and looked so handsome, and I told him so, I also added, “Have a great day, but be careful, those shoes will be slippy if there’s any ice!” The hyper-vigilance reared its ugly head once again—don’t think I’ll be slaying THAT dragon anytime soon!

“You too!” He yelled running out the door.

About twenty minutes later I get a text:

Austin: I look stupid 
Me: Why? 
Austin: Because I don’t have a tie 
Me: What should I do? 
Austin: Nothing, you can’t do anything about it 
Me: I have a black tie but that won’t look right. 
Austin: I honestly look stupid 
Me: Because of a tie?? 
Austin: And the shirt 
Me: Do you want a different shirt? 
Austin: I cant really change in school
 Me: In the bathroom. 
Austin: Too late…see ya later 
Me: I’m sorry. I love you. 

So, here I sit thinking about how my laziness, and yes that’s EXACTLY what it was, has made my kid FEEL stupid! If I had taken the time and dropped the dry-cleaning off at the cleaners, THIS never would’ve happened. I’m feeling a HUGE dose of guilt right now. And rightfully so. It’s MY fault. Yes, it was sprung on me at the last minute, BUT had I been prepared, my kid would have his white dress shirt and tie, just like all the other kids, and he wouldn’t be feeling stupid.

I know this too shall pass. But right now, this morning— this day, I suck.

When Austin comes home from school, we’ll talk, I’ll apologize, he’ll forgive me and it will be okay. But right now, I suck.

 I did learn my lesson though. I will NOT be lazy or procrastinate again. It’s not my MO and I don’t intend to do it again!

Lesson learned!