Darbie & Ben ~ Why Husbands Die First

 

“Hello Darling! I’m so glad youre home!” Darbie greeted her husband with a hug and kiss.

 “It’s good to be home.” Ben was always happy to see his wife when he got home from work.

 “Guess what I found on eBay today?”

 “Can’t you just tell me?” Ben tried to disguise how much he disliked this game of hers.

 “It’s so much more fun if you try to guess!” Darbie excitedly coaxed him.

 “A fur coat,” he muttered.

 “No, silly. Try again!” Darbie ignored his bland tone. 

 “A car,” Ben said in a dry tone.

 “Ben! I don’t look for cars on eBay!”

 No shit, I couldn’t get that lucky, he thought to himself. “Oh. Sorry, Sweetie. Jewelry.”

 “Ben, you aren’t even trying!” Darbie was beginning to get annoyed.

 “I give up.” Sensing Darbie’s irritation, Ben figured the best thing to do was forfeit and save his sanity.

“A NEW chair!” Darbie exclaimed.

 “Darbie, we don’t NEED a chair.” Ben emphatically told her.

 “I didn’t say WE NEEDED a chair. I WANT a chair.” She began running her fingers through his hair. “It’s the most adorable chair I’ve ever seen. It’s red leather AND it has LIONS on the arms!” Ben learned not to question Darbie when she used flirting as an avenue to logic, and besides, it felt good when she rubbed his hair. 

“Well in that case, buy two.” Ben told her sarcastically.

 “Beeennn! I only want one.” She whined.

 “Darbie, we have no where to put a chair. The Hart’s are kind enough to let us stay here until our house is built. So where will we store this chair?”

 “It’s simple, I’ll put it in OUR area. The same area where I’m going to keep our horse.” She quickly turned after telling him that.

 Ben was quicker than Darbied so he was able to catch her before she walked away from him. He gently turned her toward him. “What horse? I thought you were getting a chair.” 

 “I said I WANTED a chair, but I already bought and paid for a horse.”

“Darbie, I’m getting a headache.” Ben released her and began massaging his temples.

 “It’s probably your tie.” She pointed to the pink tie at the base of his neck.

 “What’s wrong with my tie?” Ben looked down, but couldn’t see his tie, although he KNEW what tie he was wearing.

 “Other than the fact that it’s a BOW tie and it’s PINK and now it’s cutting off the circulation to your brain giving you a headache? Nothing.”

 “Oh dear gawd.” He rubbed his temples more vigorously then looked at her.  “I can’t believe I’m going to ask this. But here goes... men can’t wear pink?” 

“Of course they can. YOU can’t. It’s MY color.”

 “You can’t claim colors, Darbie.”

 “I can, and I did. Pink is MINE.”

 “Fine, pink is YOUR color. Now what about the horse, Darbie.”

 “The horse isn’t pink, Ben.”

“I kinda figured it wasn’t.”

“However, the RED chair can be here by next—”

“The HORSE, Darbie, when are we getting the HORSE?”

 Putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head to the side, Darbie studied her husband for a few seconds. “Ben, do you NOT want a horse?”

 “Darbie, not only do I NOT want a horse, I don’t want the chair either. But I have a sinking suspicion that I’m getting both.”

 “We are.”

“What’s this WE crap? You have a mouse in your pocket?”

“No. Can I buy one?”

 “Are you FINALLY asking my permission on something?”

 “Well, no, I just thought you might want your own pet.”

 “I don’t want a mouse. I don’t want a horse. I don’t want a chair.”

 “But Ben, the horse—“

“I know, you already bought the horse.”

“Yes and it will be here next week.”

 “Well, I guess I better get a corral built,” Ben sighed in defeat.

 “Oh Ben!” Darbie wrapped her arms around his neck. “You are the best husband ever!” She kissed him. “And the chair is fit for a KING! That’s you, by the way.”

 “I’m a king alright.” Ben knew now why husbands died before their wives...

 because they wanted to.