Off With Their Heads

I’m into Astrology. Not so into that if I read my daily horoscope and it said: This evening you might want to order a take-away meal or a food delivery to the house. An early movie and, perhaps early to bed, helps to replenish your energy—that I would actually ORDER food or go to a movie (that IS part of today’s horoscope for Scorpios, by the way). I like reading charts and personality traits and since I’m a Leo, I just adore lions. I collect them—my husband says you can’t swing a cat in our house without hitting a lion. However, we don’t have a cat so I have no idea how he would know this.

I also LOVE Barbie. When I was a girl I had seventy-five Barbie dolls and everything Barbie: the jet, van, swimming pool, Penthouse, Townhouse, you name it, I had it. Unfortunately, when I became a teenager and stopped playing with Barbie dolls, I gave my collection to my younger sisters and they destroyed them.

 Today I have a small collection. I have I Dream Of Jeannie Barbie and about half a dozen Scarlett O’Hara Barbies, along with two Rhett Butler Ken dolls. I also have a Ken that represents Jarrod Barkley from The Big Valley. I made my own Audra Barkley Barbie and I revamped the Leo Zodiac Barbie.

Yes I said revamped.

In 2004 Mattel came out with the twelve Zodiac Barbies and since I love both Barbie AND my astrological sign, I just had to have a Leo Barbie. There was one problem, the Leo Barbie was a brunette and I’m an ANAL blonde: I wanted a BLONDE Leo Barbie. So, I looked for a blonde Zodiac Barbie so that I could switch the dresses. I found a blonde Capricorn Barbie and decided on her because my girlfriend’s daughter, Chelsy, is a Capricorn and SHE had brown hair.


PERFECT! I could switch the dresses and give Chelsy a brunette Capricorn Barbie even though it really didn't exist. And I'd have my blonde Leo Barbie! I thought as I put the Barbies in my cart.

When I got home, I pulled the Barbies out of their boxes and took the black dress off the blonde Capricorn Barbie and put it on the brunette Leo Barbie then put the gold dress on the blonde Capricorn Barbie. BUT it wasn’t right because their bracelets didn’t match. So I had a Leo Barbie with a Capricorn bracelet and a Capricorn Barbie with a Leo bracelet.

You see, they each had a zodiac bracelet which matched their zodiac sign. And there was no way I could get those bracelets switched without breaking the teeny tiny clasps! And I needed wanted the gold dress on the BLONDE doll and the black dress on the BRUNETTE doll with the appropriate bracelets.

What the hell to do?

I felt defeated for about thirty seconds.

Then it hit me. DYE the brunette’s hair!

 I quickly undressed the damn doll and grabbed some Clorox. I soaked the doll’s head/hair for over an hour BUT it didn’t change the color one freaken shade. So, I grabbed some of MY hair color. Nadda. Then it dawned on me. It WASN’T real hair. DUH!

I called my girlfriend and told her the whole excruciatingly stupid story and how I was now stuck with two Barbie dolls with hair color that didn’t match dresses or bracelets. She, being my bestest friend, sympathized with me and didn’t tell me I was a complete and utter idiot.

 About an hour later, the phone rang, it was my friend and she excitedly said, “Pop off their heads!”

“What?”

 “I was telling Chelsy about the Barbies and she said pop off their heads!”

“Oh.my.gawd! I can’t believe neither of us thought of that!”

And I couldn’t either! HOW dumb were WE that neither of us thought of such an EASY solution! But there was a thirteen year old who immediately upon hearing the dilemma KNEW exactly what to do—EXCHANGE the damn heads! While on the phone, I popped off their heads and within a minute had MY blonde Leo Zodiac Barbie AND a brunette Capricorn Zodiac Barbie, with appropriate dresses and bracelets! The ONLY problem now was their hair was a complete mess because I had pulled it out of its coiffure when I tried to dye it.

 Oh well, can’t have everything like that bitch Barbie!