It never fails, every time we go out to dinner, a girl hits on my husband. I should clarify that—in HIS mind, a girl hits on him.
My husband, David, is a clown. Yes, a sarcastic ass clown. Sometimes it’s funny, other times, not so much. Going out to dinner is one of the funny times.
We sit down at a table, the waitress comes over to give us our menus, silverware and ask if we want drinks, however, she doesn’t bother to look at me, she looks at HIM—I’m invisible. Once she leaves with our drink order, my husband leans over and tells me, “She wants me.”
“I know. They all do,” I tell him, my eyes never leaving the menu. After thirty years of this, I’m not at all fazed; it’s a game now, or at least in my mind it is. Although, when I was sixteen and he eighteen, I didn’t like it at all.
Back THEN, I would watch the waitress for signs. Was she giving him come-hither looks? Did she write her number on the bill? The slut, I’ll kick her ass!
Now, I just go with the flow.
It gets more interesting when our sons are with us. My husband does his usual She wants me routine and one, or both, of my sons chime in with, She does, Mom, I can tell.
That’s when I put my menu down and level my eyes at them and say, “If any female is brave enough to try and get him, I’ll give her a badge.” My sons think that’s ever so funny. My husband, not so much.
“What do you mean a badge?”
“I’ve been dealing with you for over thirty years. I KNOW you. I deserve a badge. And any woman brave enough to try and take you from me would deserve one too.”
“What do you mean take me from you?”
“Well you aren’t going anywhere, so, she’d have to TAKE you. And I’m pretty sure that I could TAKE her.” That, of course, makes him beam from ear to ear. Little does he know I’m thinking, Please, pahleeze, take him, take him!
No, seriously. I don’t think that. Well, not every time a female eye-balls him, I don’t.
I do think, however... no wait, I KNOW, I won’t give up without a fight. After all, it took me thirty years to train him so I’ll be damned if some other female is going to reap the benefits of MY hard work!
