If U Can’t Laugh AT Your Kids ~ Don’t Have Any

I mentioned that I took my son to a doctor’s appointment last Tuesday. This particular doctor was near a shopping center that I frequent however I only go there when I need to hit more than one store hence multi-tasking and saving gas. It just so happens that the stores I needed to hit this time were all female related: Sally’s Beauty Supply, Ulta and Cosmo Prof, although my oldest son is a shopper and LOVES Ulta because HE uses more cologne than a French whore, my youngest is NOT a shopper and prefers if I just pick up what he wants or needs, and since he’s low-maintenance and rarely wants or needs anything, he saves me a fortune, which is a good thing considering my oldest wants just about everything he lays his pretty blue eyes on.

 I digress, a little.

 Even though Austin isn’t a shopper, he did agree to accompany me on my errands. Needless to say, I was thrilled! Not only did I have someone to cart my crap around the store and to the Jeep but it also gave me one-on-one time with him. Car-time is the best time to get the low-down on his life, you know like girls and stuff—things he might be a bit reluctant to talk about at home, but in the vehicle listening to his favorite radio station, all chilled out, he’s not anticipating my stealth-like-mommy-questions and answers without any hesitation.

Again, I digress, a little.

Our first stop was Sally’s where I grabbed nail files, nail glue, false eye lashes, lash glue, a powder brush and an eyebrow wax pencil. Unlike Dalan who leaves me to my own devices so he can find his own stuff, Austin just followed me around while I grabbed my doo-dads and hickey-ma-bobs, which didn’t take very long, so it wasn’t excruciatingly painful for him.

 The second stop was rather easy too. We got into Ulta where I went right for Pureology hairspray (I can’t find it in the professional supply stores) handed it to him to carry (because I make my kids WORK when I shop) then I went to Ulta’s bath and shower gel aisle. I use that for hand soap in my kitchen (it smells SO good!). I also like that they have a sale—buy one get one free or on this particular day, buy two get one free.

 Alas, we were done. Except for standing in line, which was long, for a Tuesday. Although we had fun talking about Politics—he’s a hardcore Conservative even at the young age of fifteen and we joked about Liberals (all innocent fun y’all)!

 After that we headed for Cosmo Prof where you need a professional license to purchase goodies, which I do have, by the way. There I got two different types of shampoo and conditioners, because I’m anal and like to switch it up, plus I hate the stuff I had just recently purchased.

I also wanted to try yet another new hairspray. I know, I know, if I could get back all the money I’ve spent on the hairspray I hate I could take a nice weekend trip! But this Paul Mitchell hairspray was in a big ass can for only eight bucks, so I just HAD to give it a shot (I reason with myself).

Then I wanted to get a new flat iron. Mine is ancient—over ten years old. And while I spent a king’s ransom on that damn thing, it just doesn’t work the way it once did, hence the reason I wanted a new one (notice I did NOT say NEED).

 I couldn’t find a two inch Hot Tools Ceramic flat iron but I did find it in an one inch size. I held it in my hand as I continued to search for one in a two inch size. Austin pulled a box off the shelf and said, “Here’s a two inch one, Mom.”

“No, that’s a curling iron, I’m looking for a flat iron,” I explained.

 “Oh my gawd! I am so not having a daughter!” He huffed as he placed the curling iron back on the shelf.

I began laughing so hard that I had to kneel down and hope that I didn’t pee my pants. “What do you mean you aren’t having a daughter?” I asked in between fits of laughter.

 “Curling irons, flat irons, all this fancy shampoo. There’s no way I could handle it. No way I’m having a daughter.” He told me shaking his head.

“Austin, the male determines the sex of the baby.”

“I don’t care. Still not having one.” He had that determined gleam in his eyes that he would get when he was four and would throw himself on the floor in a hissy-fit.

“I think you AND Dalan are both having ALL girls. You know, as payback for all the shit you put me through.”

“I’ll kill myself.”

I began giggling once again because he was so darn serious. The sales ladies in the store came over to see what was so funny and I told them what he had said and they both started laughing too.

Austin didn’t think it was too damn amusing, but hey, if you can’t laugh AT your kids, don’t have any!