Apparently the universe isn’t done clobbering me.
I’ve caught yet another crisis full force with my heart and felt it with every encompassing emotion.
Five o’clock Friday morning my husband woke me because our Boxer, Kommit, was sick. She had some frothy substance pouring out of her mouth and she was acting very strange. I sequestered her in the large crate we keep in our garage until I was able to get hold of our Vet and make an appointment for him to see her.
Once there, my Vet said he wasn’t able to visibly see anything wrong, although she did have a fever which indicated she had some type of infection, so he gave her a shot of antibiotics and gave me a prescription to take home for the weekend.
I was near my parent’s house, so headed there for the rest of the day. The three of us watched Kommit as she walked in circles ALL afternoon but wouldn’t eat or drink. And that night when I brought her home she continued her circle-walking until she stopped suddenly then fell over and had some type of seizure then never stood up again.
I was broken hearted. I had no idea if she was in pain, suffering or even knew who I was, but I kept cooing and talking to her just like I did the time she had been hit by a car. I made her as comfortable as I could then went to bed at one o’clock in the morning. By Saturday she hadn’t changed and I knew something had to be done because she hadn’t eaten or had any water since Thursday and I couldn’t bear to think of her suffering or watch her try to get up anymore.
I knew I had to put her down.
The plans had been made and I was a sobbing heart sick wreck just as I had been with my Boxer Hayley. However the logical part of me knew it was the right thing to do. Kommit hadn’t been acting right for months—she hadn’t been herself and it had come to a head, so to speak and it was time to let her go even though I didn’t want to.
We humans want to hang on to the physical form because it’s all we know. We think that the physical form means more because it’s tangible so we cling ever tightly hoping it will somehow change the inevitable. However, when it’s time to let go, we need to and Kommit’s time was up.
She had that physical form for ten years and I had to let her go, more for her sake than my own. I was okay, she wasn’t and it wasn’t fair to her because I was selfishly trying to keep her on Earth.
She’s at peace now—resting next to Guy, the German Shepherd she used to chase after and try to keep up with.
I’m also at peace even though I’ll miss Kommit with all my heart. I’m at peace though because I gave Kommit a good life. She was with us for ten years and during that time I spoiled and pampered her and in return she loved us and gave us joy and for that I will always be grateful.
Rest in peace Kommit, my peanut, my naptime partner...
I will miss you…
Oh Pam...I am SO sorry. My heart breaks for your family....
ReplyDeleteOh my dear friend, Pam, I have tears in eyes reading this.
ReplyDelete((((( You ))))))
I know in center of my heart exactly how you felt because of what I went through with my 19-year cats who passed away a year apart from one another. I was heartbroken to my core.
"We humans want to hang on to the physical form because it’s all we know. We think that the physical form means more because it’s tangible so we cling ever tightly hoping it will somehow change the inevitable. However, when it’s time to let go, we need to and Kommit’s time was up.
You are so spot on in saying that because we do. We hang on to the physical form because that's all we know. I know for me, I held on to those cats for such a long time because I just didn't want to let go selfishly.
"I’m also at peace even though I’ll miss Kommit with all my heart. I’m at peace though because I gave Kommit a good life."
I'm so glad to hear that you're at peace because you did the right thing. And yes, you gave Kommit a GREAT life.
You've been through so much these past several months, and it blows me away at how you've moved through them - with strength, faith, and such grace. I so admire and respect you, my friend. Truly!
Sending you a HUGE hug of love and energy.....
((((((((((((((( xxxxx You xxxxxx )))))))))))))))
Rest in peace, dear Kommit.
X
P.S. If you need to talk, please don't ever hesitate to call me, okay?
Oh my. Stumbled on your blog from Ron's blog and am now in tears. I am so so sorry. I have been there. I knew the moment it was time. My dalmatian was 14 and just stopped walking. I carried her to the car, carried her in myself and was with her to the end, all by myself. It is the hardest thing an owner (MOTHER) can do for her dog or any other pet. But it is a blessing to them. And such a hurt to us. I am so sorry!
ReplyDeleteOh Pam, my heart is breaking for you and I am in tears reading this.
ReplyDeleteWe are coming to this point yet again with my beloved Murphy and the thoughts of it make me so full of sorrow. But you are so right that in the end, you can be at peace with the decision because they were loved for their entire life from beginning to end. It really is the ultimate act of compassion even though it though it feels like your heart is being ripped apart.
I recently found this poem on Pinterest and it has touched me.
Good Old Dog
With your Old gray face, you sure know how to brighten this place.
Your pace is slowing, time is wearing thin
You won't be here for long
Old Dog I'll miss your gring
But before you go
There is just one thing to say
Old Dog, I love you and I'll miss you the rest of my days
and it's been an honor to walk across this land
with faithful head right at my hand.
-Savana Frame
And there is my favorite dog quote ever:
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his
love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his
heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown
Again, sending you tons of hugs and love.
-Kris
I do know what you are feeling because I also lost a dog yesterday. It wa a little male Maltese that I rescued from a puppy mill a year ago this week. I never intended to keep him or the other dogs that came with him. I was able to rehome one of them right away but he and his mate were in too bad a shape to move on. Only an idiot like me would have taken them. He had no teeth and no upper or lower front jaw bone as infection had eaten it away. My vet thought he was only 7 or 8 but that ordeal must have damaged him more than was evident. My plan was to teach them some manners and moving them on but of course God had other plans. The litle female who came with him has hidden behind him for protection and she is a mess. She cried all night and every time I got into the kitchen she runs to see if I have brought him back. Then she cries and I cry with her. I never planned to love these little rescues. but how could one not love them. I'm just happy that he had the experience of knowing love during the last year of his life. How awful it would be to have lived and only known the cold evil of humans who could treat them like throw away trash. He knew love for a while and it sure hurts for him to have learned it here. RIP Scampy.How sweet to know he has a friend going across the Rainbow bridg with him. So we can cry together. God bless our tears.
ReplyDeleteI'm SO sorry. SO Sorry....
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Pam. I feel your pain. I've had to say good bye to a couple of my beloved fur babies but there is solace in knowing they are running free and not in pain. It also helped ease the pain, not mend the hole in my heart left by their passing, but helped me in the fact that I had two more at home to kiss away the tears. Big hugs to you and stay strong!
ReplyDeleteOh, my dear friend, my heart breaks for you big time. A painful reminder of past experiences. When I lost Lucky, my gentle giant, RZ left these words:
ReplyDeleteEvery once in a while, look behind you.
He is still there.
You just can not see him.
But, yet you know he is there.
He will always be there for you.
Just as you were always there for him.
Big hugs of comfort and sorrow.
And Gayla -- you can't be an "idiot" doing what you did.
Pamela. Anyone who has gone through this understands what you are going through. A dog can truly be your best friend. I'm so sorry. mo
ReplyDeleteKristine, I'm sorry to hear about Murphy. It seems like just yesterday you and I were exchanging stories about Hayley, Kommit, Mopar and Murphy! I can't believe how much time has gone by and how quickly!
ReplyDeleteThose poems are beautiful...I needed tissues! They are so true and touch right at the heart. Thank you for sending them and your hugs and love!
Ron, I remember you telling me about your cats and what they meant to you. Pets embed themselves into our lives and hearts and bring so much to our lives and it is so hard to let go.
ReplyDeleteI have been through a lot these past couple months. Thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot because sometimes I don't know how I get through some of my days!
((HUGS))
Katherine, thank you so much for stopping by to give me words of encouragement.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your precious furry baby. Only people who have been "there" know what it's like. We hurt because they were such a part of our lives and now they are gone and it's like a piece of ourselves has been torn away even though we know we have to in order to give them peace!
((YOU))
Gayla, I’m so sorry to hear about your little Scampy
ReplyDeletebut I’m glad he had a chance at love with you in your home! Thinking of
animals being abused breaks my heart but it also angers me so much that I could
hurt the perpetrators! It takes a very sick, twisted person to commit such evil
acts!
I hope your little female is okay. She will miss Scampy
as much as you! And yes, Scampy and Kommit can cross the Rainbow bridge
together and join my other Boxer, Hayley and my dad’s dog Guy! They will all
romp and play!
Thank you for sharing your story with me, Gayla. You
are a good person to take care of dogs who are in need of homes. And thank you
for your kind words to me.
Thank you Grammy. I'm sorry too. I really miss her.
ReplyDeleteLeslie, thank you, my heart is still hurting.
ReplyDeleteWhat comforting words from RZ. I will remember them.
And for sure Gayla is not an idiot but a true dog lover!
Maureen, thank you, Kommit was my friend. I called her "Peanut" and I spoiled her. And she knew it. But she spoiled me too, with kisses and love. So devoted. She wouldn't even eat if I wasn't home!
ReplyDeleteOh hell... you left such a nice note on my article on Scary Mommy (my article basically how about my dog is the world to me) and then I come here to find this. I am SO sorry to hear about Kommit! If you'd like a Kommit tee just let me know - we do memorial tees (photo) or embroidery design dog tees at our store DoodleSport.com - stop by there or my blog and email me and I'll send you one for free.
ReplyDeleteAmy, you are so sweet! But duh, you are a dog-lover! The universe works in mysterious ways because I haven't been to Scary Mommy's blog in quite sometime and yesterday I popped over and voila, there you were!
ReplyDeleteI don't normally accept gifts of such value but considering the circumstances and how it will immortalize my furry baby...my gosh, all I have is THANK YOU, such a small pittance for your generosity.
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Sometimes it's a flood of things, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteJo, thank you and yes, it is sometimes a flood. Speaking of which, I finally broke down last night and cried so hard I couldn't breathe. Once I was done, I felt so much better. I was carrying so much darn stress inside and my body just need to release it.
ReplyDelete((YOU))
It is so dang very hard to loose our beloved Pets, because they are FAMILY! I am so sorry!
ReplyDeleteJody, you are so right! She was my little pal. I'll miss her always.
ReplyDelete