Now I Have A Police Record

I’ve had dogs all my life. I’ve also trained my own dogs. My boxers were the best. Not only were they quiet, as in they barely barked, they were also smart. They did all sorts of tricks, Kommit even sneezed on command. They stayed in our yard without leashes too. Many people walking past our house asked if we had an electric fence. We don’t.

 Madea, our German Shepherd mix, is also intelligent. She barks but only if she thinks there’s a threat. Berra is smart. But she thinks leaves blowing in the back yard are a threat. The bitch darling thinks everything is a threat. And she knows I don’t like her yipping because she’ll bark then duck her head as if to say, “Oops, my bad, Mommy. But I just couldn’t help myself.”

 Berra also likes to test me by leaving the yard. She walks out of the driveway and barks at people pushing their baby strollers. I don’t know why she does this, because she’s anti-social. People will put their hands down to greet her and she’ll back away with her hair sticking up and bark as if she’s the meanest dog on earth. Except she only attacks moths and stink bugs.

 I have to watch her like a hawk when we’re in the front yard because as soon as I turn my back, she heads for the street. Almost like she’s pissed the plants are getting my attention. And if dogs are smart enough to cut off their noses to spite their faces...Berra did just that.

 The other night I received a call on my cell phone. It was from the Chief of Police. He asked, “Is this Pam?”

 Of course I said yes.

 He proceeded to tell me that he received an anonymous complaint about my dogs going into the street and barking at people who walked by. I had to clarify dogs, as in plural, because Madea doesn’t do that. She stops at the end of our driveway and she doesn’t bark unless she’s in the house and someone comes to the door. However, Berra barks at everything and she has gone into the street and barked at people.

 Damn her.

My perfect record was shot.

 I explained to the Chief that Berra was a yipper and it pissed me off but I didn’t leave her unattended, ever. Although there were a few times she did get out of the yard but she’d never hurt anyone. I told him I did understand that a barking dog in the street could scare some people when they didn’t know the dog and from now on I would leash her when we were out front. He was pleased with this solution.

 After the call ended I looked at Berra and said, “You got me in trouble. And now you’ll be on a leash.”

 She wagged her tail.

Probably because I was talking to her...again, or would that be still?

 Then it dawned on me, the Chief called my cell phone and never used my last name.

 He must’ve gotten the information from the NSA.